Coach Mom

Leave it to me to take the whole soccer mom stereotype to a new level. I will not only be carting the kids to and from their soccer practices and games, I'll be their coach. Yes, you heard me correctly. Coach Mom. I have no idea how to play soccer. My 4 year old had to explain the rules of the game to me.

me: "Do you know how to play soccer?"

Belle: "You kick it like this and then run like this, fast fast fast"

me: "Where do you run?"

Belle: "Over there, fast fast fast"

There you have it, my assistant coach. Let me briefly explain. My son has been begging me to play soccer for the last year. We missed the spring session, so I promised him we'd sign him up for the fall session. When the time came for registration, he was immediately put on a waiting list. As I expressed my frustration at the youth sports center, a lady poked her head out from her office and said to me with a half giggle, "Ya know if you coach, your son can play for free" I proceeded to laugh hysterically.

I put them both on the wait list with the confident assumption that surely someone will step up so the kids can play. I'm completely inadequate for the job. I get a phone call today letting me know that Belle can play but my son's list hasn't even budged. Again, I express my frustration and the lady on the phone says to me, "Ya know if you coach, your son can play for free and your daughter gets a 50% discount." I, again, proceeded to laugh hysterically. Then, I got in my car and continued my half crazed laugh all the way up to the sports youth center to fill out an application. The coach's meeting is tomorrow 1700 hours.