Friday, November 09, 2007

406 Days

406 days until my husband is able to leave his boots by the door again. Hard to imagine.

I've been asked several times, "Where do you think you'll be in 5 years?" I've never really had an answer for that because I've never been the kind of person that's sure about where I want my life to go. Of course, we all have our plans but life intervenes and most of us don't ever see those plans pan out. My life right now is nowhere near what I thought it would be 5 years ago.

5 years ago I had a newborn baby and a 2 year old, a job at a Pharmacy that I loved but didn't pay well, an apartment that could have been bigger, and my husband had a steady job that was going nowhere. Some days were tough and it never seemed like it would get better. But things usually always do get better. For us, things did get better, but with a twist.

Mike joined the army. Even though the first couple of years were rough because he took a pay cut, we finally felt like we were doing something with our lives. I went back to college and he was actually enjoying his job. Then, he deployed. There's the downside. Now we live for those 30 minute phone calls. The kids and I make a day out of mailing daddy a package filled with goodies and love.

I don't have regrets, but I do have moments when I pause. Some days I'd do anything to be able to give up the financial stability we've acquired, the house we've purchased, and the new car in the driveway, just to have him home again. Even if that home is in a cardboard box or that little bitty apartment we had 5 years ago.

Does anyone else feel like 15 months is just way too much to ask? I don't even know why our country is there anymore. I can remember a time when I didn't feel like it was a lost cause and a waste of so many lives. I was naive then.

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